What’s past is past…
Perhaps it was living a somewhat sheltered life in rural Kentucky, where there wasn’t much to do. Perhaps it was due to never having any real personal freedom till I started college. Perhaps it was that my two best friends, Charlie and Greg, where right there with me both experiencing new freedoms for the first time as I was. Perhaps I just had a big case of the young and stupids, but whatever the reason I screwed it all up. Within a couple semesters my grades were horrible. It wasn’t that I wasn’t smart enough to do the work,… not at all. The truth was I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. No,… sleeping late, staying up late, hanging out with the boys, goofing off, and having a good time where much more important to me.
By the time I got through my third bad semester the school kicked me out. And there I was. Every dream I had ever had suddenly shattered. My family was devastated. They didn’t know what to do. Mom was heartbroken. She had lived to see me go to college and now I had basically thrown all her sacrifice and hard work back in her face. My father, terribly disappointed. With no other options, I found a job and began to go to work. And then things changed.
While employed at Wal-Mart I met my now wife (Debbie) of almost 15 years. We were soon married and before long had a family; two kids. I had a couple jobs during that time, but nothing serious. Then the opportunity of a lifetime came along. My father looked at me and said, “Son, if you’ll come to work for me, I’ll pay to send you back to school.” What an offer! My father owned his own insurance business and I immediately went to work for him. I was well on my way to making up for past mistakes. However, after a few years and at about halfway back through my education (doing much better this time pursuing a business degree) the problems at work became too much and in order to help run the business the best way possible, I withdrew from school to help my dad full time. I told myself and others that it was only for a short time and that I would get right back to school in a year. That didn’t happen…….
Fast forward ten years…
However, going back school this time would be different. There would be no going to class during the day. I had to work. The same things that had caused me to need to withdraw 10 years earlier were still there. We were busier than ever at work and dad really couldn’t afford to do without me. No, if I wanted to get through this thing I was going to either have to “night-school” it, or take the relatively new option of online classes. I hated the idea of online classes because I thought, and still do, that you don’t really learn anything with online classes except how to get though the class. There’s no student-teacher interaction, no lectures to hear, noting save you and a computer screen. It’s a dismal way to try to learn anything but it did fit my schedule. So there I was full time employee by day, and full time student by night, husband and father on the weekends. Sorry family, you guys will have to wait a few years to get me back.
So I put up with two years of this zombified existence. Constantly working, staying up late at night, getting up early in the morning, burning both ends of the candle, and constantly feeling like I was neglecting my family, but realizing that I was getting closer to my goal. However, it seemed that the closer I got the harder it became. Life just got more and more complicated and going into this last semester I felt I was at my breaking point. It was only the knowledge that it was almost over that kept me going.
My mother-in-law…
My Mother-In-Law’s name was Sheila Slone. She was a lovely lady and was always very nice to me. She loved my wife, she loved the grandkids, and you never met a more humble, meek, and genuine person. However, her family doesn’t always get along. My wife was one of five kids and on more than one occasion there has been a misunderstanding, or even an out and out disagreement among the family. However, no matter what happened there was always Sheila in the middle of it, playing peacemaker. She wouldn’t quit till she had the warring factions all disarmed and at the peace accord, ready to sign a treaty. That’s just how she was. She loved her family and she wouldn’t see petty difference come between them. My wife adored her, as did all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Sheila didn’t get any better in the following weeks and after some deliberation went back to the doctor to see what was wrong. The new was horrible. Sheila had stage four cancer in multiple places in her body including her skull and brain. There was nothing they could do. My wife was devastated upon hearing the news. Furthermore, with only about six weeks of school left I knew things, which had already been difficult, were about to get much worse.
The challenge…
Well, we hoped that I could get through school before Sheila got very bad. After all, sometimes people live six months or a year or more with these kinds of prognoses, I had only had six weeks of school left. So we began hoping that the scheduling of it all would work out. Well, I began hoping. My wife wasn’t really all that worried about my schedule anymore as her attention shifted completely to her mom, rightly so. And, the more I worried about my schedule the more selfish I felt for doing so.
The last two weeks…
It came down to the last two weeks of school, one regular week of classes and finals week. The work load this last semester was really atrocious. I had four large projects due by the end of the semester in different classes. Three of those were group projects that I had to coordinate with other students and work on as a team. That oftentimes is a disaster as you can never be sure what kind of teammates you’re going to get. Needless to say, school couldn’t have been any more hectic, I was getting more and more behind at work, and to top it all off I got sick. Not just a little sick, stay home from work and stay in the bed sick. Life was horrible. Sheila had taken a turn for the worse and my wife was staying over there much of the time. The hospice nurse told us that this was one of the most aggressive cancers she had ever witnessed and that the speed with which Sheila had gone downhill was shocking. Based on their experience with similar cases it looked like Sheila might pass away any day now. This was terrible news. My wife was getting more and more emotional, understandably. She needed me to be there for her and to support her, while I needed more and more to be left alone so that I could finish school and not flunk the semester after working so hard for the last two years. With everything on the line I wasn’t going to let my degree slip away from me. How could things possibly get any worse?
Somewhere in the midst of all this mess and pain, something clicked. I became relentless. I found a new level of energy. I suddenly felt that I could do it all if only the scheduling would work out. Through the force of sheer willpower and spiritual strength given me by God in Heaven after some prayerful request, I knew I could handle this. I didn’t need sleep. I didn’t need anybody’s help. I didn’t need to feel better. I just needed the time. If I had the time to accomplish all that lay before me, then I knew I could get it done. The old saying is that God won’t put more on you than you can stand and while I have problems with that old axiom in this case it seemed that, like the Grinch who’s heart had grown three sizes and he had the strength of ten Grinches plus two, I too had been gifted with the necessary strength to take care of all my problems. The only wild card was time.
The Last Week…
Finals week rolled around and on Monday, May the 7th. I got up early and got the kids off to school. My wife had spent the night with her mom, so I didn’t see her that morning. I had a final that morning at 10 o’clock and stopped at the office first to do some last minute paperwork before heading to class. I went to class, took the final and felt like I had done reasonably well on it. Everything was going okay. I was on my way back to work when I got a call from my wife. She was noticeably upset. I asked her what was wrong and she said that the nurse had been out to check on her mom, that she was worse today, and that they thought she probably wouldn’t make it through the day. She asked if I could come to her, and I said that I could.
When I got to the Slone household there was a number of vehicles in the drive and yard. The family had all gathered in anticipation of the event. I walked in and Debbie (my wife) hugged me and began to sob. Her mom was still alive but she was taking very shallow and labored breaths. Debbie’s dad sat at Sheila’s side and held her hand. It was a hard thing to watch.
After a while my wife asked if I had things I needed to do at the office and I said, “Yes, unfortunately, very important things.” She told me that I should go ahead and go do it but to hurry and come back to her. I said I would. I went quickly to the office and breezed through a number of routine financial exercises that I do every day to make sure our operation continues to function, that people’s paychecks don’t bounce, and so forth. After those chores were done I quickly went back to my wife’s side.
It was a little after 4PM when I walked in the door of the Slone household again only to see my wife’s dad look up from Sheila’s bed and say, “That’s it, she’s gone.” I had walked in at the exact moment of my mother-in-law’s death. It was a surreal feeling and I’ll never forget it. My wife was devastated……..
The next few days were a flurry of activity. I finished school projects in between things like visitations, work, and funeral arrangements. Friday, May the 11th, I got up early and took my wife to the church where the funeral was to be held. Her mom was already there along with a few other members of the family. I dropped her off and only had a short time to come home, take an online final for my last class, get me and kids ready, and be back at the church before the funeral at 1PM. We barely made it. My wife was sure I was going to be late, but I hadn’t missed a beat for the last two weeks, and I wasn’t going to miss this one. The funeral was heart wrenching. The whole family was in tears, openly crying and holding each other, there was no holding back. I helped carry the coffin to the grave and stood by my wife as they said the last goodbyes were said. We then promptly loaded up and went to my college for graduation practice for the ceremony that was to be held the next day.
Lessons Learned…
Sheila never had much in her life. Debbie tells me that she came up poor and even after marriage survived and raised five kids on very little. She worked hard and loved harder. She gave life all she had and didn’t need accolades and awards to prove that she had done a good job. She just needed her family to love her. She was the best kind of person that you will ever meet. She’d give you her last drink of water if she thought you were thirsty, or the shirt off her back if you were cold. She loved people. Not just her family but all people in a true Christian spirit. She’s the kind of saint that other spiritual people strive to be like. And when it came down to her last moments on earth, she didn’t feel sorry for herself, but rather she encouraged others to live life, do right, love one another, know Jesus, and prepare to come see her in heaven.
I may have graduated from college but Sheila Slone had graduated from life. And as far as I’m concerned, she graduated with honors. Well done Sheila,… well done.
Thank you Sheila, I look forward to seeing you again in heaven, and I’ll take you up on your invitation to show me around your heavenly mansion when I get there. Put in a good word for me till then….
